A place for an animal.

I'm trying very hard to make myself understood in this art academy that I study in. I want to share my fascination but I fail.

Let me try to explain!

I'm worried about the absence of animals. Let me make it very clear that I'm talking about a free animal, an unpredictable animal, a mute animal. The kind of animal that observes me without giving me any clue of it's own intention.

Have you ever seen such an animal? I believe that I got a glimpse of it once. When I was very young I met a very big dog. It felt like the dog looked through me. But I could not know what it was thinking. It looked at me and it saw how pathetic I was. It was standing still but ready to act in any moment. I could grasp its whole being, its presence took up my whole mind, but at the same time it was so distant. I wondered if there was anything human inside it's mind, but all I saw was its body and its eyes looking back at me. I could definitely not trust it. It chased me. The owner said it wanted to play but I felt that it wanted to hurt me.

Most animals that I meet are pets of strangers and friends, pathetic versions of what I believe they once were. But sometimes I believe I get a hint of it. Looking a cow in its eyes or confronting a dog guarding a house can make me aware of myself in a way that only an animal can. I start to imagine what it would be like to confront a completely wild animal.

But those animals are very difficult to find. Animals don't fit into society. In a civilization everything needs to be predictable, safe, functional and organized. The wild animals are similar or crazy people who can't follow rules and are without a given function. There is no space for them here. Therefore they need to be reduced to pets, meat or entertainment in zoos or national parks. I am worried and sad because I think there is an important connection between us humans and the free animals. I think we loose something in ourselves when we loose a respectful and equal relationship to them. We need to confirm each other. There is something in the look of an animal that reflect our whole being because we are like them, but still different. 

So what do I do? What I do is - I start looking for this animal. I look in my home, in my body, in the park nearby, in my memory of a swedish landscape that I miss.

What is this animal?

It is a beast. It is something I can't trust. It is something alien. I reject it because I'm afraid it will hurt me, but at the same time I want to be close it it. I miss it so badly, like a lost friend. I'm afraid that it will turn it's back to me, and leave me. I want to connect to it. But I am so stubborn! I want to be humble towards it but I act arrogant, sometimes even in an illusion of being superior. We cannot communicate, so we get angry at each others. I call it stupid because it is mute, but it sees right through me. Our cultures collide.

By projecting my imagination of the animal onto something physical, I can relate to it more easily. I try to create something DISTANT and PRESENT. I make objects and sculptures. We are constantly surrounded with THINGS. If I can find even the tiniest hint of an animal characteristic inside one of those things, then I am allowed to touch it! So I collect materials that I find on a street in my home. I do an installation in a room, in this room I try to create a distance and a presence. There must be a space for the animal!

This is it for now.